


The Gay Crisis

by PoorUnfortunateSoul



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aro/Ace Pidge, Attempt at Humor, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Romelle, Chatting & Messaging, Disaster Gays, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Gay Allura, Gay Hunk (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gay crisis, Getting Together, Insecure Lance (Voltron), M/M, Memes, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Keith (Voltron), Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Texting, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-06-26 20:06:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15670365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoorUnfortunateSoul/pseuds/PoorUnfortunateSoul
Summary: AngstyLittleLover: wait, so they’ve both been texting youShir0: Yes.AngstyLittleLover: about their crushesShir0: Yes.AngstyLittleLover: on each other?Shir0: Yeah.AngstyLittleLover: no wonder you’re losing your sanity.VoiceOfReason: I suppose this is what happens when you’re the only non-useless gay.Shir0: That’s my problem.Shir0: I’m the biggest, most useless gay out there.RomelleSavesTheDay: A disaster gay, if u will.





	1. Chapter 1

1:34 A.M.

UrFavoriteIdiot: Shiro

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Help me

 

7:35 A.M.

Shir0: Why were you awake at 1?

 

12:34 P.M.

UrFavoriteIdiot: Uhhh

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: To keep up my daily schedule of waking up at noon???

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Duh.

 

Shir0: … Right.

 

Shir0: What did you need help with?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: OH RIGHT

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You’re like, gay right?

 

Shir0: No, I’m just dating Keith for shits and giggles.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Is that

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: SARCASM :O

 

Shir0: I have ten minutes left of my break, Lance.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Right, right. My bad.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: How did you know you liked boys?

 

Shir0: I never had interest in girls outside of friendship, but was interested in romance when it came to men.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Okay, but, how u did you know that you liked liked them?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: How did you know that it wasn’t just deep and intense man friendship?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Cause I think I might like like Hunk

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: But I’m also not sure??????

 

Shir0: Well, I can’t really figure that out for you.

 

Shir0: I can tell you this though:

 

Shir0: If you’re seeking out answers to “how to know that I’m gay/pan/bi/whatever” and contemplating calling a feeling “Deep man friendship”

 

Shir0: There’s at least a little gay in there somewhere.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Unless you’re looking up if u’re aro/ace!

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Then there’s no gay.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: But then, there’s also no straight.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: There’s just… blissful nothingness

 

Shir0: Yeah, I’m gonna go now.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: That’s fair.

 

________——————__________

2:43 A.M.

UrFavoriteIdiot: U know, Hunk’s name is so fitting.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Cause he’s totally a hunk.

 

9:32 A.M.

Shir0: For the love of everything that is good in this world

 

Shir0: PLEASE tell me that you didn’t try that line on him.

 

1:37 P.M.

UrFavoriteIdiot: Boy, I sure slept in today.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: And NO I didn’t.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I’m too busy having a gay crisis.

 

Shir0: You sleep in everyday.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Don’t @ me like this

 

Shir0: Someone had to tell you.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I could’ve lived in blissful ignorance.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You shattered the illusion :’(

 

Shir0: How will I ever go on?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You are the most unempathetic person I have ever met.

 

Shir0: *Apathetic.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: SEE!

 

Shir0: Your words might mean something if I didn’t know that you know Keith.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: OMFG

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: YES

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: ROAST THE BF

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I AM HERE FOR THIS

 

Shir0: GOODBYE LANCE

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: So mean to me ;-;

____________——————___________

3:52 P.M.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Hey, Shiro?

 

Shir0: Yes?

 

OneHunkyBoy: Can I ask you a personal question?

 

Shir0: If you must.

 

OneHunkyBoy: You realized that you liked Keith when you guys were just friends first, right?

 

Shir0: Yes. I realized it when Keith was a freshman in college, and he didn’t notice that he had feelings back until the end of his junior year.

 

Shir0: Why?

 

OneHunkyBoy: Did things get weird before that happened?

 

OneHunkyBoy: Like, did the feelings make the friendship weird?

 

Shir0: On my end, yes. Keith said he didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, but take that with a grain of salt.

 

Shir0: I love Keith, but he’s not the most well-rounded person socially.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Do you think Lance would notice?

 

Shir0: Absolutely not.

 

Shir0: Don’t you remember last year, when he thought Nyma was

 

Shir0: And I quote

 

Shir0: “Totally into him”

 

Shir0: But all she wanted was the biology notes she missed? Yet he somehow totally missed Plaxum being 110% into him.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Yeah, that was hard to watch.

 

OneHunkyBoy: You have a point.

 

Shir0: why do you ask?

 

OneHunkyBoy: okay, don’t tell him, but I’m like 99% sure I have a crush on him.

 

Shir0: Oh, my God.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Haha… yeah I know, I mean, after ten years of friendship?

 

OneHunkyBoy: You’d think I would’ve had a crush sooner.

 

Shir0: I

 

Shir0: oh my GOD

 

OneHunkyBoy: What?

 

4:31 P.M.

OneHunkyBoy: Shiro….?

 

5:09 P.M.

OneHunkyBoy: Hello?

______————________

 

4:23 P.M.

UrFavoriteIdiot: I’m going to crack open Lotor’s ribcage, rip out his beating heart, and squeeze it in my first.

 

Shir0: Lotor?

 

Shir0: The guy in your oral communications class? Isn’t his dad the super rich guy who donates a shit ton of money to your school every year, so he never gets in trouble and is favored by everyone in the school because of daddy’s money? Wouldn’t recommend it.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: We need to have a serious talk about your morals if you think him having immunity to everything we poor people have to face in life is the only reason I shouldn’t off him.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: But YES. IT’S THAT GUY. AND I HATE HIM.

 

Shir0: What did he do now?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: HE’S FLIRTING WITH HUNK

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: oh mY GOD

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: HE USED MY LINE ON HIM.

 

Shir0: Your line?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: YES. THE ‘YOUR NAME IS A FITTING ONE BECAUSE YOU’RE A HUNK’ ONE

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: THE ONE YOU TOLD ME NOT TO USE

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: AND HUNK IS TOTALLY INTO IT

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I CANNOT BELIEVE

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I’M ABOUT TO LOSE MY HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH HUNK BECAUSE YOU SHOT DOWN MY BEST LINE

 

Shir0: How do you know?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: HE LAUGHED.

 

Shir0: Okay, and? Hunk is too nice for his own good sometimes; he laughs at everyone’s bad jokes, that’s why we all love him so much.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Uh, we’ve been friends for a over a decade???

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Pretty sure I know the difference between a real Hunk laugh and a pity Hunk laugh.

 

Shir0: Sure, Jan.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Oh, my God. That meme is so outdated.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: This is so sad, Alexa play Never Gonna Give You Up.

 

Shir0: Countering my dead meme with another dead meme does not make a new and fresh meme.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: No, but mixing an old and current meme makes one.

 

Shir0: The premise I understand, but I don’t think Never Gonna Give You Up is ever going to fit as well as despacito.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: asdfghjk

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I COULDN’T THINK ANOTHER MEME SONG

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: DON’T @ ME

 

Shir0: Bring me to Life

 

Shir0: that sad violin song that Youtubers use.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: STOP RUBBING IN YOUR MEME KNOWLEDGE

 

Shir0: We Are Number One

 

Shir0: All Star

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: SHIRO STOP

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: MY PRIDE

 

Shir0: Ocean Man.

 

Shir0: literally anything by Linkin’ Park

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: F uck

 

Shir0: That one song that’s like “hello darkness my old friend”

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: OH MY F ucKING

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: IT’S CALLED THE SOUND OF SILENCE SHIRO

 

Shir0: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I can’t believe I just got shown up

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: By someone that doesn’t know that it’s

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: FUCKING CALLED THE SOUND OF SILENCE

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: SHIT

 

Shir0: You’ll reach this level of memer-y one day, young padawan.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I literally couldn’t hate myself more if I tried, right now.

 

Shir0: try harder.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: FUCK.

 

_______—————________

10:02 P.M.

OneHunkyBoy: Hey Shiro

 

OneHunkyBoy: You’re pretty hot

 

OneHunkyBoy: How do you turn down someone you’re not interested in, in a nice way?

 

Shir0: How are those two things related?

 

OneHunkyBoy: Hot people probably have to turn down people a lot?

 

OneHunkyBoy: Man, I don’t know. Just take the compliment.

 

Shir0: Fair enough.

 

Shir0: Why do you need to know?

 

OneHunkyBoy: Because this guy in my class hit on me today, and I don’t feel that way towards him.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Actually, I’m pretty sure I don’t even like him as a person. Like, at all.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Also he used THE WORST pickup line I’ve ever heard.

 

OneHunkyBoy: My name is fitting because I’m a Hunk? How lame is that?

 

Shir0: I knew you wouldn’t like that one!

 

Shir0: He should listen to me more.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Wait, Lotor asked you for flirting advice?

 

Shir0: Uh.

 

Shir0: Sure.

 

Shir0: That’s totally what happened.

 

OneHunkyBoy: You were right, it was pretty lame. How do I let him down?

 

Shir0: Just tell him you don’t feel that way, it’s the easiest way there is.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Won’t that hurt his feelings?

 

Shir0: Hunk, the only way you wouldn’t hurt his feelings is if you like him back. Anything other than that is gonna hurt, and you can’t force those feelings. You shouldn’t feel bad about this.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

 

OneHunkyBoy: He’s just been really nice to me, so I guess I feel bad about not returning those feelings. :/

 

OneHunkyBoy: Thanks, Shiro.

 

Shir0: Any time.

 

OneHunkyBoy: So…

 

OneHunkyBoy: What other pick-up lines was he thinking about trying?

 

Shir0: Um.

 

Shir0: You know, they were so bad that I don’t remember.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Oh, okay.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Well, thanks anyways!

 

Shir0: Any time.

 

______—————_____

10: 53 P.M.

Shir0: I helped you dodge a fucking bullet today. You’re welcome.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: ????

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: How?

 

Shir0: I’ve sworn myself to secrecy so I can’t tell you, but just know that I saved you.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Um??

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I’m scared.

 

11:21 P.M.

UrFavoriteIdiot: Shiro?

 

11:41 P.M.

UrFavoriteIdiot: SHIRO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 

12:21 A.M.

UrFavoriteIdiot: FUC K


	2. Chapter 2

3:21 P.M.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Oh my god

 

OneHunkyBoy: please end me

 

Shir0: Do I get to know why first, or?

 

OneHunkyBoy: It’s Lance.

 

Shir0: What’d he do now?

 

OneHunkyBoy: He and Allura had their monthly ‘I’m gonna look banging hot today for no reason’ day today.

 

OneHunkyBoy: and my gay heart

 

OneHunkyBoy: Can’t take it?

 

OneHunkyBoy: HE LOOKS SO GOOD SHIRO

 

OneHunkyBoy: *Image Attached*

 

Shir0: I literally don’t see a difference between how he looks today and how he looks every other day.

 

OneHunkyBoy: God, you’re right

 

OneHunkyBoy: he’s so hot all the time

 

Shir0: Did you tell him that?

 

OneHunkyBoy: What?

 

OneHunkyBoy: No.

 

OneHunkyBoy: I did the usual - told him he’s a fucking idiot and that I don’t understand why they do this every month.

 

Shir0: Right, of course.

 

Shir0: You sure you don’t want to tell him?

 

OneHunkyBoy: what, and tell my only straight friend that I have a crush on him when I promised I would never get one on him when we were fourteen and I first came out to him?

 

OneHunkyBoy: Sounds like a great idea.

 

Shir0: ….

 

OneHunkyBoy: I’m so jealous of Romelle.

 

OneHunkyBoy: She gets to hang off of Allura and openly swoon over her girlfriend.

 

OneHunkyBoy: And I get to watch Rolo stare at Lance’s ass all day.

 

Shir0: I wouldn’t worry about Rolo.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Well, yeah I mean, Lance is straight, obviously I don’t have to worry about a guy.

 

Shir0: ….

 

Shir0: I literally can’t take this anymore, goodbye Hunk.

 

OneHunkyBoy: ?????

 

4:32 P.M.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Goodbye I guess???

 

_____———_____

 

5:33 P.M.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: ughhhhh

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Mission failed

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: we probably won’t get ‘em next time

 

Shir0: What the fuck are you talking about?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: UmmMM??

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: My totally fool-proof plan to make Hunk think I’m hot???

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Keep up, Shiro.

 

Shir0: My bad, I forgot to the usual daily mind reading.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Now is not the time for jokes, Takashi.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I’m UPSET.

 

Shir0: … I don’t have a choice here, do I?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: No, no you do not.

 

Shir0: Fine.

 

Shir0: What happened?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I talked Allura into another Hot Off

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Told her I had a crush’s attention to catch

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: But it didn’t work D:

 

Shir0: Wait, Allura knows about your crisis now?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: No, you’re the only person I told.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: So unless you told her…

 

Shir0: As someone who was literally forced out of the closet at sixteen, I would never forcibly out someone, even if their friends are all gay and would never think less of them.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Right, which is why I told you in the first place.

 

Shir0: Who does she think the crush is, then?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Nyma.

 

Shir0: Wait, she thinks that she’s aiding in a do-over of the disaster that was your sophomore year, and she’s okay with it?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Um

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Have you met Allura?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: She would do anything to make Romelle make those sappy heart eyes at her all day.

 

Shir0: She’s such a useless lesbian oh my god.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Only for Romelle, which is disgustingly adorable.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: God I wish that were me.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: only Romelle would be Hunk, obviously.

 

Shir0: Naturally.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Also, you have no room to talk???

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You once walked into a wall because you were too busy paying attention to Keith and not enough on where you were going.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You’re a total disaster gay.

 

Shir0: Why do you think me and Allura are such good friends?

 

Shir0: She’s a useless lesbian and I’m a disaster gay.

 

Shir0: It’s mlm/wlw solidarity.

 

Shir0: Anyways, how did it fail?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: BECAUSE ALLURA GETS HER HOT GIRLFRIEND TO HANG ALL OVER HER TODAY AND BE THE CUTEST GODDAMN COUPLE IN THE SCHOOL

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: AND ALL HUNK DID WAS CALL ME AN IDOIT

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: And I am, because the Hot Off was a useless flop.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: On my end, anyways. I’m sure Allura is having the best orgasm of her life today.

 

Shir0: Not an image I wanted.

 

Shir0: Also, I’m pretty sure it didn’t fail.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: How would you know?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: you weren’t there!

  
UrFavoriteIdiot: you didn’t see the hardships I faced.

 

Shir0: Just

 

Shir0: Trust me on this, okay?

 

Shir0: It’s all gonna work out.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Are you an oracle or something?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Because these are some cryptic ass messages.

 

 

6:32 P.M.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: TAKASHI SHIROGANE IF YOU LEAVE ME WITH A MESSAGE LIKE THAT AGAIN SO HELP ME

 

7:01 P.M.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I fucking hate you


	3. Chapter 3

3:31 A.M.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You know

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: This username is a joke.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: But it’s very true.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I’m a fucking idiot.

 

7:41 A.M.

 

Shir0: Yes, you are.

 

Shir0: Glad you finally realized.

 

Shir0: Also why the fuck were you up at 3?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I couldn’t sleep.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I was finally come face to face with the reality.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Why would Hunk like me?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: He’s so loyal and honestly we call him a scaredy cat and he kind of is, but he also does the shit he’s scared of so he’s like an oxymoron because he’s a brave scary cat.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: And he cooks well and takes care of me when I’m sick since we live in dorms now and my mom’s not around.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: And he’s probably the best person I’ve ever met at being a best friend? Like if someone asked me to give the definition of a true friend I’d say Hunk.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: And all I do is be an idiot and drag him into situations he doesn’t want to be in.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: :/

 

Shir0: Oh shit.

 

Shir0: Were you being serious?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot:….

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Maybe.

 

Shir0: Lance.

 

Shir0: You and Allura fought over the valedictorian spot in high school.

 

Shir0: You are very obviously not even close to being an idiot.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You literally just called me an idiot.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Allura and Hunk call call me an idiot on a daily basis.

 

Shir0: Lance, they’re not being serious.

 

Shir0: They’re just teasing you, just like we tease Allura about being a total princess because of how bossy she gets, or Keith and how hotheaded he is.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I know that.

 

Shir0: Do you? Because it really seems like it bothers you.

 

Shir0: You know you could tell them that it bothers you and they’d stop, right?

 

Shir0: We all care about you, Lance. The joke is only funny if you’re in on it.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: In the back of my mind I get that, I do.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: But idk.

 

Shir0: Once the background noise is gone your insecurity gets to run rampant and give meaning to what are supposed to be harmless jokes?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: …. Something like that.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: you’re a lot better with words than I am.

 

Shir0: Not really?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You just explained my emotions better than I did!

 

Shir0: Did you forget who I’m dating?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: …

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Yeah Keith is kind of shit with feelings I honestly thought you guys would have more communications in your relationship than you actually have.

 

Shir0: He might be bad with words but his face pretty much gives everything away.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: He always looked annoyed? How do you know the difference?

 

Shir0: He only looks that annoyed around you.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: That’s 100% fair I do love to mess with him.

 

Shir0: I am very aware.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: LOL

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Yeah you probably have to deal with the collateral damage.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: My bad.

 

Shir0: Mhm.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Thanks, Shiro. I feel better now.

 

Shir0: You’re welcome, Lance.

 

Shir0: For the record, Hunk likes that you make him do things that otherwise scares him. You help make him brave, Lance. I don’t see how that would make you a bad partner for him.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: asdfghjkl

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THAT SHIRO JESUS CHRIST

 

Shir0: ¯\\_(ツ)_/

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this is so short???????? There's a whole other part that's supposed to be a part of this chapter but AO3 can only post this much without giving me the http error 500 like idk this part of the chapter can post but the second part can't????? So this is chapter 2.5. I tired posting the second half but it was too long I guess??? idk AO3 needs to get its shit together lmao.


	4. Chapter 4

1:31 P.M.

Shir0 added AngstyLittleLover, VoiceOfReason and RomelleSavesTheDay to the group.

RomelleSavesTheDay: Oh shit.

RomelleSavesTheDay: The whole squad?

RomelleSavesTheDay: This must be serious.

Shir0: Very.

AngstyLittleLover: Okay the last time we did this it was an intervention for me.

AngstyLittleLover: WHAT DID I DO?

AngstyLittleLover: I DIDN’T EVEN BUY ANY NEW KNIVES?

VoiceOfReason: And I’m very proud of you.

Shir0: Keith this isn’t about you, calm down.

AngstyLittleLover: Thank GOD.

RomelleSavesTheDay: So who is it?

Shir0: I can’t say.

AngstyLittleLover: ?

Shir0: It’s someone who’s coming to terms with being bi & I don’t want to out them.

VoiceOfReason: That’s fair.

RomelleSavesTheDay: Got it.

AngstyLittleLover: Okay.

RomelleSavesTheDay: Omfg.

AngstyLittleLover: My phone freaked out because we all sent that at the same time.

Shir0: Same.

RomelleSavesTheDay: Lol the one thing you can ALWAYS count on gays to agree on.

VoiceOfReason: You  don’t  out  gays

RomelleSavesTheDay: Even if they’re all gay and would be very supportive!

Shir0: I’m glad you’re all on the same page.

AngstyLittleLover: So what’s going on?

Shir0: Well I got a text a few days ago asking for my help, and this person told me they might have a crush on a guy, but they weren’t sure if it was crush or, and I quote, “a really intense man friendship”

RomelleSavesTheDay: I…

VoiceOfReason: I was making out with a girl ten minutes ago but somehow that’s still the gayest thing I’ve ever heard.

AngstyLittleLover: asdfgh

RomelleSavesTheDay: ALLURA

Shir0: Right, so anyways.

RomelleSavesTheDay: Thank you

Shir0: But the person he has a crush on texted me to tell me that he likes the guy that’s questioning it.

RomelleSavesTheDay: Wait, what?

Shir0: Yeah.

AngstyLittleLover: wait, so they’ve both been texting you

Shir0: Yes.

AngstyLittleLover: about their crushes

Shir0: Yes.

AngstyLittleLover: on each other?

Shir0: Yeah.

AngstyLittleLover: no wonder you’re losing your sanity.

VoiceOfReason: I suppose this is what happens when you’re the only non-useless gay.

Shir0: That’s my problem.

Shir0: I’m the biggest, most useless gay out there.

RomelleSavesTheDay: A disaster gay, if u will.

Shir0: Exactly. That’s why I need your guys help, the Crush has developed and is now in the “I’m not good enough for them” stage.

AngstyLittleLover: I hate that stage.

VoiceOfReason: I still can’t believe you went through that stage.

RomelleSavesTheDay: For real!!! Shiro basically worships the ground you walk on lmao

AngstyLittleLover: Well I know that  _now._

VoiceOfReason: Back to the topic at hand, until the person comes to terms with their sexuality, there’s really nothing you CAN do short of outing them.

Shir0: Fuck.

Shir0: I was worried that might be the case, but I was hoping you guys had something else.

AngstyLittleLover: you can encourage one of them to confess?

Shir0: Tried that - ones convinced the other is straight and the other is currently convinced their not good enough.

RomelleSavesTheDay: Yikes, tough spot to be in.

AngstyLittleLover: I wish you luck.

VoiceOfReason: Same.

RomelleSavesTheDay: ^

Shir0: Sigh.


	5. Chapter 5

3:43 P.M.

VoiceOfReason: I FUCKING KNEW IT

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: She did. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: She knew, and like a fool, I didn’t believe her. 

 

AngstyLittleLover: ?

 

Shir0: What is happening?

 

VoiceOfReason: LANCE IS THE CLOSET BI.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: We have no token straight friend anymore 😩

 

AngstyLittleLover: That’s still not a thing. 

 

Shir0: NO ONE SAY ANYTHING

 

Shir0: I promised Lance I wouldn’t tell anyone and if he knows you guys know he’s going to think I told you and then he’s going to be mad. 

 

VoiceOfReason: Or

 

VoiceOfReason: And I’m just spitballing here.

 

VoiceOfReason: Lance told us all when we were at lunch, which is why I’m excited that my suspicions were proven correct. 

 

AngstyLittleLover: Yikes. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Who are you yikes-ing Keithy boy?

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: You thought Lance was straight up until Shiro said something about another bi among us. 

 

Shir0: Wait, THAT’S how you knew before he said anything? So I did still kind of out him?

 

VoiceOfReason: I hate to say it, but yes. 

 

Shir0: Shit.

 

VoiceOfReason: He was the only one saying he was straight. 

 

Shir0: SHIT.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Hunk’s gay

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Keith’s never really given a shit one way or another

 

AngstyLittleLover: True.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: You’re gay as all Hell

 

AngstyLittleLover: Thank  _ God. _

 

VoiceOfReason: Aw, Keith, you do have a heart!

 

AngstyLittleLover: Don’t start. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Allura’s gay

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: I’m bi. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Pidge would rather eat pencil shavings than have to deal with or talk about any of this.

 

AngstyLittleLover: Is that how she’s been avoiding these group chats? Why am  _ I  _ here then?

 

VoiceOfReason: Because Shiro is and you guys are that disgustingly cute couple Keith used to make fun of in high school. 

 

AngstyLittleLover: asdfghj

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Shir0: ooof.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: THE PROPHECY IS FORETOLD 

 

AngstyLittleLover: ASDFGHJK

 

VoiceOfReason: ANYWAYS

 

VoiceOfReason: If you do the math, Lance is the only logical explanation.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: + It’s 200000% obvious that Lance has a thing for Hunk.

 

VoiceOfReason: Oh, completely.

 

Shir0: Wait, does that mean that you knew Lance wanted to do the hot off to impress Hunk and not Nyma?

 

VoiceOfReason: Yes? What do you take me for?

 

Shir0: A useless lesbian that’d do anything to get her girlfriend to drool over her.

 

VoiceOfReason: That’s fair.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: asdfghj

 

AngstyLittleLover: Welcome to Hell

 

VoiceOfReason: BUT I would never do it at the cost of a repeat of Lance’s sophomore year. That was a total mess. If it wasn’t so obviously for Hunk, I wouldn’t have done it. 

 

AngstyLittleLover: You keep saying it was obvious, but I didn’t notice. 

 

Shir0: You never do.

 

AngstyLittleLover: And what is THAT supposed to mean?

 

VoiceOfReason: You remember when you had a hardcore, hate yourself level crush on Lance?

 

AngstyLittleLover: God, don’t remind me. That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. 

 

VoiceOfReason: He liked you then too, like a lot.

 

AngstyLittleLover: WHAT 

 

Shir0: It’s true, and also half the reason it took me a whole other year to confess to you. 

 

AngstyLittleLover: HE WAS SO ANNOYING THOUGH

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Have you seen the way he’s been acting with Hunk lately? I’m pretty sure that’s his thing. 

 

VoiceOfReason: It is. He had a crush on me our freshman year and I wanted to strangle him half the time. 

 

AngstyLittleLover: Has Lance had a crush on all of us and I just missed it?

 

Shir0: Everyone but Romelle.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: I came in too late for that ego boost :(

 

VoiceOfReason: RIP.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Okay, can we PLEASE pull them in and make fun of how oblivious they are now?

 

Shir0: PLEASE

 

Shir0: I am so tired of being in this weird state of do I tell them or do I not

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Yesssssssss

 

VoiceOfReason added UrFavoriteIdiot and OneHunkyBoy to the group chat. 

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Oh, shit.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: The whole squad. 

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Is this another intervention for our favorite little hot head? How many knives did he buy now?

 

AngstyLittleLover: Fuck

 

AngstyLittleLover: OFF

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Admitting you have a problem is the first step, Keithy boy. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Actually this about you and Hunk.

OneHunkyBoy: What? What did I do?

 

AngstyLittleLover: Gave my boyfriend a migraine. You and Lance both. 

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Uh. What?

 

Shir0: You guys have both been texting me about your crushes on each other. PLEASE just make out and get together already.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Shiro that’s not funny. 

 

VoiceOfReason: It’s not a joke. 

 

OneHunkyBoy: ? 

 

OneHunkyBoy: Lance do you like me too?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: asdfghjk

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: “TOO?”

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: As in ALSO?

 

AngstyLittleLover: Jesus Christ. 

 

Shir0: Hush, Keith you were just as bad. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: THIS IS SO CUTE.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Yes, Lance, as in also. I was going to ask you out tomorrow since you came out today, but I guess they beat me to the punch.

  
Shir0: I am so sorry.

 

Shir0: You guys were driving me INSANE. 

 

OneHunkyBoy: Sorry about that.

 

UrFavoriteIdoit: What is happening right now

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I’m so confused. 

 

OneHunkyBoy: We’re being told about our mutual attraction for each other, Lance.

UrFavoriteIdiot: MUTUAL

 

Shir0: Okay Keith, I take it back. You weren’t this bad.

 

AngstyLittleLover: Maybe not on the outside but the inside I was a mess for two months waiting for you to tell SURPRISE GOT YOU GOOD 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: We’re all such messes.

 

Shir0: ??????? Do we need to talk?

 

AngstyLittleLover: UGhhhh

 

OneHunkyBoy: Yes, Lance, mututal.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I

 

VoiceOfReason: omf

 

VoiceOfReason: We broke him. 

 

OneHunkyBoy: Just say yes or no to going out with me this weekend.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: YES   
  


UrFavoriteIdiot: BIG YES

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: THE BIGGEST YES YOU’VE EVER SEEN

 

AngstyLittleLover: Oh, God, stop. I can’t handle the second hand embarrassment. 

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I had to feel yours now you have to feel mine.

 

VoiceOfReason: Romelle. Don’t. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

 

VoiceOfReason: GOD DAMN IT

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Oh, gross

 

OneHunkyBoy: So how long we were oblivious idiots?

 

Shir0: Three months for Lance, a month and a half for you.

 

OneHunkyBoy: Oh, so I did better. Good. 

 

VoiceOfReason: You thought Lance was straight that is hardly better.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: She has a point. 

 

OneHunkyBoy: ALRIGHT. BYE.

 

OneHunkyBoy has left the chat.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: I can’t believe he still thought that. I had NONE of you fooled, did I?

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: if all your friends are gay…………

  
AngstyLittleLover: And you had a crush on me, apparently. 

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: WHO TOLD HIM?

 

VoiceOfReason: oh noooooooooo

 

AngstyLittleLover: SO THEY WEREN’T LYING?

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: ASDFGHJKL 

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: BYE

 

UrFavoriteIdiot has left the chat. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: There’s an alternate universe out there where Keith ended up with Lance instead of Shiro. 

 

VoiceOfReason: Definitely. 

 

Shir0: Thank GOD it wasn’t this one.

 

AngstyLittleLover: Weird thing to think about.

 

AngstyLittleLover: I don’t like it. Bye.

 

AngstyLittleLover has left the chat. 

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Yeeted himself away from that reality.

 

VoiceOfReason: Yoted.

 

RomelleSavesTheDay: Yeeted.

 

Shir0: Not this again……..

 

Shir0 has left the chat.

 

12:39 A.M.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Thanks Shiro, I owe you one.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: You’re like the Gay Guardian.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: The Gaydian, if you will.

 

Shir0: 1 

 

Shir0: Don’t ever say that to me again.

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Noted.

 

Shir0: 2 

 

Shir0: GO TO BED

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: asdfghjkl

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: FINE DAD 

 

Shir0: STOP

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: >:)

 

12:48 A.M. 

Shir0 has blocked you. 

 

UrFavoriteIdiot: Wow, rude.

 

12:49 A.m.

 

Shir0 has blocked you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance gets to be unblocked when he learns a more appropriate bed time. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, hi, it's been a while. Sorry about that - I signed up for a sheith & a klance secret santa exchange, and a sheith prompt bang & they've been taking up most of my time. + I'm in college and don't have a lot of free time. 
> 
> Anyways, this is done! Third fic I've ever actually finished. Amazing. 
> 
>  
> 
> My [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/festive-keith) :) Come say hi!!
> 
> Or [twitter](https://twitter.com/LittleLoser987) since Tumblr is purging itself.

**Author's Note:**

> so there was an update on twitter apparently i couldn't get this part to post because Allura used the handclap emoji in her texts lmao whoops.
> 
> anyways here's the rest of chapter 3.


End file.
